The Murk
by Mediancat
Summary: Right before season 7, Buffy responds to Willow's letter (story "Define Willow.")


Heya, Will,  
  
Good to see you more or less back from your tour in the land of the super- villains. Also good to know that unlike the rest of them, you seem to have actually survived the experience, somewhat sane.  
  
I do miss you.  
  
Listen. I can't exactly say all is forgiven, because, well, there was that whole apocalypse thing, plus all the nasty things you said, and I think when you get back here we're all going to need to have a long talk. A good long one.  
  
The kind of talk we weren't exactly having too much last year, you know? I mean, looking back, this was a banner year for no one. Except maybe the Lakers. I think everyone in our gang had their bouts with selfishness, distrust, and just plain acting like a four-year old. Of course, you took it further than most of us, but let's face it, using a guy, any guy, just for sex and because he makes you feel something doesn't exactly make me front-runner for Miss Congeniality.  
  
Oops. I meant, of course, everyone except one of us. I mean, I'm hardly pointing any fingers at anyone else I'm not pointing at myself, but you and me and Xander and Spike and Dawn and Giles and maybe even Anya a little, though it's kind of hard to blame her for taking her old job back; it's not like she could exactly come running to us. We're kind of on Xander's side by definition.  
  
But anyway, Xander panicked and cut and run before the wedding, I used Spike and didn't bother letting any of the rest of you in on my pain, Dawn felt ignored and took it out on the Magic Box inventory, Giles shut himself off from the rest of us by bolting to England (though man, it was good to see him again - tell him hi for me, okay?), and Spike - well, hell, the bastard tried to rape me.  
  
I think Dawn's planning to murder him when he gets back. I'm not so sure I'll be standing in her way if she does. Still -  
  
Damn it. There's a lot in that still I can't explain, and I don't feel comfortable talking about.  
  
Anyway, you weren't alone, though you did kind of push the envelope well beyond the breaking point. That's not a guilt trip - well, yeah, it is, kind of; but it's not one I'm going to rag you on forever. Still, you're not off the hook; you can't be, not yet, and maybe not completely ever.  
  
But you are my friend, Will, even through all of that. We managed to overcome me running away for three months and Angel becoming evil and Oz taking off and Faith betraying us, we can sure as shit get past something as minor as you trying to bring about Armageddon. After all, it's like you actually succeeded or anything; then I might be a little more ticked.  
  
As far as your not being an addict goes: Yeah, we all kind of botched that one from an observational standpoint, didn't we? Of course, self-absorbed as most of us have been I doubt we'd have noticed if you'd become the USC marching band; we probably would have just figured you'd taken up the trombone. Anyway, it never really sank in that just because Amy went all amoral and her mother was insane and you had your addictions, that there was still one witch for whom magic did not equal bad - that, of course, being Tara. We were all so in love with the idea of it being an addiction that we didn't notice the real problems.  
  
I wish we had.  
  
So if you come back still all magic-using, I think there might be a few nervous moments; but I think we're all now fully aware that we blew the metaphor. There will be no more talk of going cold turkey around here, missy, that I can assure you.  
  
One more thing: Warren. No, I haven't turned you in; no one else will, either. Right now the Sunnydale PD is busy trying to find coherent explanations for how their police station got itself destroyed; so far "microburst" is the best answer they've come up with, although they still haven't bothered telling people why they were firing bullets at a microburst. So they're not too interested in how or why one of the lesser- known and highly-unloved citizens of the town is missing; I think they're assuming that Jonathan and Andrew caught up with him and as long as he's not out causing trouble they really couldn't give a good goddamn.  
  
Still, you did kill him. No one will ever be able to prove it, and if anyone asks I'll lie, but you did kill him.  
  
I just noticed you didn't really bring it up beyond explaining your motivations, and I know you've been thinking about it. Whatever you come up with, however you can live with it, that's fine.  
  
If it helps any, no one really blames you for feeling like doing what you did; if I'd caught up with him first, I would have hit him so hard he wouldn't have woken up until the next generation of Bushes hit the White House. And goodness knows I was ready to kill Faith, and it wasn't because I pulled back or anything that she managed to survive the encounter.  
  
It suddenly occurs to me that these waters are now a lot murkier than they were when I started. Well, that's life for you, isn't it?  
  
Come on home. We can make our way through the murk together.  
  
Anyway, Xander says hi, Anya says hi, and Dawn says hi but she's still kind of pissed.  
  
Talk to you later - soon I hope --  
  
Love, Buffy 


End file.
